i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
