tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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