Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
