I smell stomach acid.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so let's talk penis.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
