Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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