would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
