she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
