its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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