I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize