I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
