I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
