he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
