Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
