Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
