Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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