I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the condom got lost in my hair
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
