dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
