maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
