when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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