Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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