thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just found a bag of teeth...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
