I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She's the barista slut.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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