I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Randomize
