If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
where does the pee come out of this thing
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
