GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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