Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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