I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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