YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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