Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
