apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
