My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
