i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
