remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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