she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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