You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
