you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
