I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
