You work out of a Hotel?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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