So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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