i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
