Duck Duck Cougar?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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