hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
