So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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