the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
