is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
