I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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