Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
