I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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