just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
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hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
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I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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