Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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