whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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