We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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