ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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