and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
