I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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