I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
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Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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