just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
