Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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