Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
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They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
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If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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