Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize