I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
