I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
