I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
