My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just puked most of my soul out..
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