News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize