so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
