Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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