Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
