Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
