I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
