omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
