drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
